Change Starts with Personal Awareness

This photo was provided by our own JB. The two pictured are her children’s great grand parents.

It is our hope that we have reached critical mass as a country. Along with a pandemic that continues to wreck havoc on the world, we have widespread social unrest. People have taken to the streets to protest, riot, and loot. The social unrest erupted at the unnecessary and tragic death of George Floyd. There are a lot of varied takes on the situation but no one can dispute how wrong and horrific that event (and those similar) was. While we do not condone rioting and looting, we want to caution the reader that poor behavior is always a symptom of a larger problem (poor behavior encapsulates all acts of violence: rioting, looting, and police brutality).

The larger problem is this: Racism is still prevalent and we have large portions of our black communities who feel unheard, unvalued, and deeply wronged. Long story short, these violent behaviors, are happening because all other cries for help have fallen on deaf ears. Or, simply, positive change has not happened fast enough. Regardless of what each of our personal feelings are on this topic, the numbers do not lie. People of color do not have an even playing field in our society. This needs to change.

The contributors of this site have zero tolerance for racism. In this great world that we live in, it still is bewildering that racism is still as prevalent as it is. It is high time for all of us to stand firm and push this darkness out of the world. This post is dedicated to how ALL of us can take action in our own lives to ensure that we eradicate this ugly beast. To be clear ALL of us need to take action for this change to be sustainable.

A strong theme throughout many of the posts on this site carry the following message:

Do not expect lasting change to happen externally if you have not changed within.

We can fund, defund, elect, remove, riot, loot, and fight all we want but those things are merely just sticks planted in a river. Sure they impede some of the water but it does little to nothing to change the flow and direction of the river. We, the people, are the river.

Societal change only happens when personal change has happened. When enough of us change our heart the world will flow to a better place. So how can we change to make sure that all of our cultures are taken care of? Awareness, education, and action.

Let’s start with awareness. Awareness is like flicking a light switch on in a dark room…you begin to see things. Once you see things you can start to take action to change things. In this vein, I want to flip the light switch on one thing: Everyone has bias in their life.

Having bias is not a right or wrong thing. It is a natural process. Biases develop and is a normal process of the brain. The key here is that this is how we are wired as human beings. We have experiences and form thoughts and feelings around those experiences. Our brain, to be efficient, associates past experiences with current circumstances to protect itself. A simple example is as follows: A boy is bitten by a dog when he is young. For the rest of his life they avoid dogs because their brain is telling him dogs equal pain. It goes in the other direction too. A boy is raised with a dog and has only positive experiences with it. For the rest of his life they get excited when they see a dog because it reminds him of love and home. In both cases, the boy has is relying on past information to influence current action.

However, here is where biases get us into trouble. Biases become problematic when we are not even aware that we have them. So often we take blind action without a conscious thought. It further becomes troubling when we group with others who feel the same way as it reinforces that our belief is correct.

When we blindly act we model for the world on how we do business. We also model these behaviors for our children to pick up on. They can assume our biases as “this is how it is supposed to be”. To learn more about biases and how they develop and how to unroot them please check out this article: Think you’re not biased? Think again. Alison Pearce Stevens does a great job in outlining how the mind works, how biases are created, and what we can do to become aware of them.

The great thing about becoming aware of a bias is that you can chose a better action in light of the brain’s conditioning. Become aware and chose the highest. Over time, we will undo the biases that we have that do not serve us and our world.

I would like to reinforce to the reader that it is perfectly ok to question your beliefs (political, religious and whatever else you hold onto!) as well. It is ok to questions all of your silent preferences. Shine them to the light and see if they still hold value. And don’t shame yourself for questioning all of your beliefs. When we question, It does not mean that we are no longer faithful or lack loyalty as we are merely figuring out if they are worth keeping around. This really is the first step into becoming and independent thinker (don’t let others do your thinking for you).

So the next time you have a negative or visceral reaction to something that happened automatically, take pause. Think about why that happened. Examine your thoughts, feelings, and memories that produced the negativity. Weed the garden of the mind. Why do we do what we do? Why do we get triggered on certain topics? How do we get off of the automatic pilot mode of life?

The answers we seek cannot be found in our media outlets or through our politicians. All of our answers are found in the heart.

Next week we will touch upon education and action in light of our current social climate.

Be well


Photo from JB

Engage, Share Stories and Love One Another

“Ignorance and prejudice are the handmaidens of propaganda. Our mission, therefore, is to confront ignorance with knowledge, bigotry with tolerance, and isolation with the outstretched hand of generosity. Racism can, will, and must be defeated.” 
― Kofi Annan

I’m a middle aged white woman, living in suburban Massachusetts.  I have two children, and my husband is one quarter Jamaican.  On the surface, that doesn’t sound like much pigmentation, but I have observed over the years and generations that in families with multiple kids, one child tends to be considerably darker than the other.  In my husband and his brother, it’s my hubby.  In my kids, it’s my daughter. 

So these have been a few interesting weeks for me.  I always kind of wondered with a smile, which of my children would be darker.  I didn’t smile, however, when the nurse in the hospital shortly after my little girl’s birth looked at me sharply and said, “No, REALLY, who is the father?”  When I indicated my husband, she said it simply wasn’t possible as my daughter had an birthmark “only” from children of African American descent. 

The racism I encounter is slight, and generally unobtrusive, but the undertones of white supremacy are intensifying around me.  Sometimes people don’t believe that my kids are of mixed races (and it’s a fascinating mix we are), and one even went so far as to tell me that if I believed people should be able to tell their experiences around race, even the painful ones, my entire family must be both violent and Marxist. 

I don’t pretend to have the answers, but I do know that I will continue telling the story of our combined family heritage to anyone who will listen and I will teach my children to not whitewash (gloss over/cover up) history.  I know that poverty is an outcome of slavery, and I have worked with populations trapped in economic cycles very similar to slavery, yes, in the modern United States. 

It’s no longer enough for me to pray for unity and peace.  Instead I will raise my ears to listen, my heart to value all people who are hurting, and reach out my hands in relationship with those who are different from me.  Do I have white privilege?  Absolutely.  But maybe that will be useful in an audience that otherwise may disregard any voice they don’t recognize.  

Be kind,


Photo by Clay Banks via Unsplash